The story of how I went broke, done country ballad style. Been on a country jag lately. I affected my best Texan accent for this one.
Celtic, classical, & world music often infused with a rock flair. Silly music infused with a stupid flair.
Story behind the song
Bored. Bloody. Silly. GAH!
Thought it'd be funny to link up the old auctioneer block with new internet eBay auctions in some creative way. I did it at the end when I attempted to sell the rubbish I'd accidentally bought at an auction on eBay -- and then accidentally bought France. Doh!
Used an old 4-track with an analog pitch bend to record the "auctioneer"'s voice (yes, that's me). I actually did a lot of research and listened to some sound clips of auctioneers over the Internet while figuring out what rubbish I'd make "him" say. I somehow timed it perfectly on the first go so it fit into the song's refrain.
I spent most of my childhood in Texas, so the Texan accent wasn't a stretch. Oh, and I had a cold when I did this song, so my voice is about an octave deeper than normal!
Lyrics
So I went down to visit the County Fair
Got out to get me some clean fresh air
And some cotton candy and relaxation and stuff
I needed a break from the fact I was broke
Found a tent underneath the shade of an oak
And wandered inside to see what in tarnation was up.
An auctioneer was a-rattlin' away
It sounded like fun, so I reckoned I’d stay
Little did I know the horror my future held. Oh yeah!
I took my seat somewhere back in the rear
And then it happened – yep, I scratched my ear
And that silent bid unleashed the hounds of Hell.
REF:
AUCTIONEER BABBLE
BREAK: (He was a little short feller. Heh.) What’d I just buy for a hundred dollars? What? A hundred THOUSAND dollars?!
So there sat me with my jaw on the floor
What the hell'd I need a Dukes of Hazard ash tray for?
I guessed I'd tell him I'm flat broke right after the show.
Some rubberneckin' started up in the front row
And they turned to see who was this high-rollin' Joe
Just me, shrinking down under my chair low as I could go.
So I made a pact with my dumb self to sit still
And I was doing just fine with it all until
An itch started somewhere way up inside my nose.
My eyes watered up and I thought oh Lord please
Don’t let this damn itch turn into a sneeze
But it did… and that was when I knew that I was hosed.
REF
BREAK: (I gave up on whatever line was here, was laughing too hard)
Great. I gotta get a second mortgage on my home
Just to afford that 50 thousand dollar lawn gnome
Put it in the truck! Check's in the mail! Here I go! I'll be on my way!
I got a long drive home to think what to do
When that check bounces higher than a kangaroo
Wait! I’ll find another schmuck to buy it all on eBay.
Hoo dawgies, here I go again! Sh*t. I just bought France.
