I'm very slowly uploading songs. "Save His Soul" was written and sung while I was delusional and yet I like the sweet sadness of it. Many of my songs are not quite songs, but song ideas. I think of some of these song ideas as records of a time in my life when I was sick, but well intentioned. My fixation at the time was on Ed Vedder of Pearl Jam. In my mind I saw him as a sort of romantic/eccentric person--sincere, but lost. Not that I wasn't lost too, but at the time I felt like somehow I could help him. And so I wrote a bunch of songs loosely based on him. I guess he was my muse for a bit. But that only lasted for a short time while my illness took over and I became caught in something I couldn't get out of easily. I'm very grateful that aside from sending him two tapes, one pre-delusion and one post-delusion, I didn't bother the man. Still, there's something to the music I made, some merit in it that stands on its own, if only in an amateurish yet sincere way. I feel good about my song ideas.

I'm going to gradually be uploading my songs in the next week. I have 31 songs and song ideas all from the 1990s. I just uploaded "Song To A Rock Star (Ed)" which is loosely about Ed Vedder of Pearl Jam. Just before I became delusional and paranoid with schizophrenia, I sent a tape to him and this is one of the songs that was on it. I meant it playfully, rather than as any heavy criticism. Unfortunately, after that I had a serious delusion about him in particular that lasted for three years, mainly because I wouldn't take my medication. In the delusion he morphed from an eccentric, but romantic, individual into a serial killer. I guess I was more influenced by the tune "Dirty Frank" than I realized... Luckily, I came out of that delusion early in 2002 and haven't been drawn into it ever again. I painted the image I've attached to this entry while I was still acutely psychotic. I call it "Angry Eddie". You can see it in full at my Artid website, If you feel like it.