Apparently I am an INFJ according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. If I take the same test next week, will I still be an INFJ? I have taken the test several times, but if I recall correctly, I have not always come out as an INFJ. I always come out as an "IN", but the last two characteristics tend to vary. Upon reading a sample of the characteristics, this caught my attention: "The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others onto whom the shadow is projected. The INFJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/herself." I haven't examined the characteristics of the other 15 personality types, but I would be surprised if INFJs are the only ones to readily see faults in others without recognizing them in themselves. "INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk." I think that this describes me reasonably accurately. However, I'm not sure that I put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, nor do I constantly define and redefine the priorities in my life. From the time I was a child, my desks have been consistently messy. Often I can clear the desk for a brief period of time, but since "the appendix", my office desk remains a clutter of papers and documents and stuff. I must sort through all the stuff in the next few weeks to make sure nothing is hiding that I need to include in my income tax return. Ahhh....the appendix. That turned my world upside down, and I am not sure I will ever get it turned back the right way for me. More on that in another post.

I belong to a few online dating sites and for the most part have not been and am not impressed with them. Most of the men in my age group are looking for someone younger, usually with big boobs and long legs. Many of these men lie either outright or tell half-truths. I do not meet people easily and I thought that maybe I might meet someone this way. No way am I looking for someone to be hanging around 24/7, but I wouldn't mind having someone to go to the occasional movie or concert or play with. Some good sex wouldn't hurt either. :-)

Summer Solstice Summer comes to my casement but cannot hide the undercurrent of darkness in the light. Live this moment. Sit with me as we linger in the quiet before the shadows beckon us inward yet again. ************************************************ Journey I have been in this world. I have inhaled its essence and have listened to its melody, felt its harmony and its disharmony. Not a new journey, it nevertheless beckons me. In one natural life, I was somebody . . . I think. I yearn to float through infinity, to penetrate the luminosity that my fear obscures on life’s endless journey. ************************************************ Darkness comes…. Ephemeral droplets gather into mist in the ancient dells. Primordial riverbeds lead to the darkening sea. She who remains protector dares not turn away her visage as walls of time, walls of space become one with heav’n and hell until living and dying are as one….. and Darkness comes. Incessant dancing among the stars, Earth doth turn and turn and turn again and echoes of distant time and place reverberate within and without. Our hearts hear whispers….. and Darkness comes. Spirit children, we of that ancient age – we remember, we remember. In our masquerade we are fearful…. as Darkness comes. ************************************************ Floating in the sunset sky, you are a swirl of mist. Formless, drifting, you beckon me with your dreams, and your music fills my heart. Your eyes summon my soul but I will not succumb. ************************************************ In the twilight sky, dreaming moon shadows heedful sun disuniting our slumber with fragments of possibilities yet unspoken. New possibilities call for your dream guides. Touch the moon, our moon, drifting . . . ************************************************ Resting here within amethyst skies observing glowing cinders flickering ‘neath the dying sun and I pause while waiting my turn to die. Words unspoken dance among emerging stars, cry out to be heard amidst timeless secrets that only they know and I pause while waiting my turn to die.

August 5 -- I did have the surgery on July 10 and have been home since July 18. The surgery seems to have gone well and the incision healed very nicely. So far there is no sign of infection! I am progressing quite well, I think. My days continue to be much the same – exercises in the morning (usually take over an hour); read the paper while icing the knee; watch a bit of TV and maybe play a little solitaire on the computer; afternoon nap; think about all the stuff that I need to do but don’t do it; read; watch some TV; go to bed. July 5 -- The latest is I got a call from the hospital this afternoon with a proposition that I could either accept or decline. I accepted. What it is, is that I will show up at the hospital on July 10 at 11:00 for surgery at 1:30 on the understanding that I will be sent home if it can't go ahead. If they know for sure on Monday that it would be cancelled, she will let me know. So now I have to ramp up my preparations again as I have been sort of in idling mode since I knew that the surgery date had been set aside. June 29 -- call came to say that surgery has been "set aside" because of impending strike by health care professionals in Saskatchewan. Late this afternoon the Premier said that the two sides would be going back to the table on Friday with a new mediator. The union said there would be no walkouts while the talks are pending. Why can't they go back to the table tomorrow? It was a very difficult decision for me to decide to accept the surgery date in the first place. Now it has been postponed twice and I am in limbo. Man, am I ticked off! It is now June 23. With each passing day my knee is getting worse. I cannot bend it without extreme pain. When I am lying down in bed, it takes at least 15 minutes of maneuvering and gritting of teeth before I can straighten it. I have been procrastinating about getting things ready for before I go into the hospital and for when I return home. Each day I think I will do something and at the end of each day I realize I have done nothing towards accomplishing what I know needs to be done. Well, I got another call today. Surgery has been postponed until July 3. Rats. I had psyched myself up for next Tuesday. Now I will "unpsych" for a week or so and then start over again. Rats. I got “the” call today……there is a surgery date booked for me on June 19. I don’t have to let them know for sure until Tuesday whether or not I will take it. I have the option of one postponement for six months. I have been mulling it over ever since I got the call. I talked to my brother Dennis. I have decided to take the June 19 date. I am mildly petrified, well, actually more than mildly, but I don’t feel I have much choice at this time. It needs to be done and I don’t think I have anything to gain by waiting the six months. It is not going to get any better; it will only get worse. There have been a couple of times the past week or so where I was not able to get up from the couch for over half an hour because I couldn’t put any pressure on my right leg; it hurt too damned much. Please send me all the good vibes you can. I need all the help I can get. :-) Surely this surgery will go as it should. It will not be like the total knee replacement on my left knee -- three replacements in three and a half years (April 2001 to September 2004) due to picking up a staph infection after the first one. It took almost four years and some heavy duty antibiotics administered intravenously to get rid of that damned infection. Please, please not with the right knee.

These are a couple of quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche that I really like. The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night. To find everything profound - that is an inconvenient trait. It makes one strain one's eyes all the time, and in the end one finds more than one might have wished.