The Christmas (Pat Down) Song
A Parody of “The Christmas Song”
New Lyrics by Steve Bryant
My nuts fondled by a stranger’s hand,
Making sure there is no bomb.
Radiation from the Scanning Machine,
Will sterilize every Dad and Mom.
Everybody knows some turkeys at the TSA.
Want to see our boobs and cracks.
Janet Napolitano thinks it’s okay,
To stick a gloved hand down our slacks.
They’re holding terrorists at bay.
But they still win as all out freedom goes away.
And every pedophile is gonna laugh.
Patting down a child who’s just three and a half.
And so, I’m offering this simple plan.
To screeners at the TSA.
Turn off the scanners, stop patting us down.
Start profiling today.
