Lyrics
[verse]:[1]
I went to a party once, only men showed up, which sucked,
but we had drugs, so we didn't give a f***
so what's worse than a dorm, all packed up
with guys? [what?] realizing yall just snorted viagra
[f*** !] here's how the scene sounded to us:
"I can't stand up" / "I ain't got no feeling in my nuts"
"what the f*** " / "dude, look at the ceiling" / "look up"
"quit staring at my crotch you fag" - yeah, it sucked
so, how'd I get a 4.0 and never drop it?
cuz I'm talkin' blood alcohol content
if you thought, that I meant my grades or my average
I should mention, I didn't even sign up for classes
in fact, honestly, I never went to college
I spent my tuition on like, ten thousand bong hits
which left my mom pissed, barking and screaming
till I baked her a cake laced with weed, then she started singing
--[my mom singing]--
--[verse]:[2]--
uhhh, yeah... I'm gonna go ahead and ball out, now
I'm glad you, finally decided to calm down
I took twenty dollars from your purse cuz I'm poor and
I've got a nicotine addiction, I really can't afford
and people: don't throw your cigarettes in the toilet
it makes em tough to light, sticky, wet... it's annoying
[psst]: come here - I'll sell whatever I can steal
like: check this crazy date-rape drug, here
this sh** is great, it's been on the market for years
["hey cool what's this called?"] it's called "beer"
trust me, get the chick to drink ten bottles
and she'll think she's kissin, on a freakin model
and lets be honest, yer a little odd in the looks department
so go on, hit the bar up, look for targets
--[verse]:[3]--
one time I got too drunk, and stumbled into bed
told my girlfriend I love her and then she said:
"Drew have you been drinking?" I said "why would you say that?"
she said, "because I'm not your girlfriend, I'm your dad"
that's why I don't drink or get high from weed
my head is clean, my anti-drug is speed
amphetamines: make me wake up in the street
I wear reflectors to bed cuz I run in my sleep
no need to debate it, my physician was appalled when
he needed a calculator to take my pulse with
he also said I should stay away from the cocaine
so I made a ten foot straw - it gave me nose pain
though, so I called my mom up, since I was broke, but
when she picked up, all I heard on the end of the phone, was:
--[my mom singing again]--
[verse]:[4]:[phone]
oh. my. god... please tell me you're not high again!??!
wait, stop singing, listen to my sinuses
I need some money for my doctors bills
my lungs are acting funny, I need to cop some pills
what? ... mom, dude?
no, I will not suck dick for cash, what the hell is wrong with you?
--[hello?]-- [end phone convo] she just f*** in hung up -- wow
so what in the f*** am I supposed to do now?
oh, wait I know, yo, take me to the bus station
I'll do what anyone in this situation does: hit up Vegas
but when I sit and play the game it's gettin played
a little bit differently, when I'm sitting at the table
[dealer wins! four-of-a-kind beats your straight]
wait, doesn't this fourty-four magnum beat four aces?
[screaming, running, guns, violence!!!]
[verse]:[5]
well I'm back at the apartment... guess I forgot
the dealer only had chips in stock, so I guess I robbed
the wrong fella and yeah, I probably shoulda checked
the table cuz I was at the one labeled: ten dollar bets
maximum, so yep, I now have eighty dollars
in round little pieces of plastic -- HOLLA!
I gotta be retarded, hey, I made no money
I'm on every news channel, Jay Leno made fun of me
everybody's calling me, telling me it's funny
hecklers stop me and toss nickels in front of me
cops won't arrest me, nah, they just mock me
today a homeless guy dropped a quarter in my coffee
and to top it off, my intercom won't stop ringing
but when I pressed it -- guess who it was?
[my mom singing, high as f*** as usual!]
