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Song Info
Genre
Charts
Peak #123
Peak in subgenre #14
Author
Peter Merz
Rights
(C)2017 Scribe And Sage Music
Uploaded
April 16, 2017
Track Files
MP3
MP3 7.5 MB • 192 kbps • 5:27
Lyrics
Bad Missionary
Words and Music by Peter Merz
Stepping on toes just a torturing my foes
That's when the phone rang out
Called my mom last week, made it short and sweet
Hello, is anybody there
I have a collect call from Mr. Jonah
Do you accept, I said yes
Why I said yes is a mystery
A mystery to both you and me
I've got home and fire insurance policies
Needing your royal approval
But before I could seal the deal
He told me hey buddy get real
Acts of God are not covered
Guess you're straight out of luck
Jonah laughed, then the line went dead
Guess I'll be shelling out some bucks
Chorus:
Bad missionary, bad missionary
Delighting in pre-arranged acts of doom
Bad missionary, bad missionary
Counting down the days 'til my town's a tomb
Bad missionary, bad missionary
I guess you could say things went boom
Bad missionary, bad missionary
It goes to show never assume
Next day I had a blast playin' Whack-A-Mole
With all kinds of threats to the throne
Until the phone did its thang, No it still isn't Mom
This just seems oh so wrong
I don't need insurance, good, because mister
That's not why I'm cold-calling you today
Cocky little prankster I'll play along for now
What you need is a pre-need funeral plan
Isn't there someone else to annoy
Friends, family, or poisonous reptiles
There was a long pause, then he laughed out loud
Well I'd love to stay and good luck
I need to get back to some important work
Sipping those drinks with the funny names
The ones with those silly little umbrellas
Oh and by the way how's your mom
Chorus
Bridge:
Well I traced Jonah's number
Some captain sobbed, he ran from God
Now he is with the fish of the see
Stunned I hung up, what rotten luck
Days passed by when someone shouted
Would you look what Dagon dragged in
This guy who was rife with the stink of fish
And salt water was a shoutin'
No, you're doing it wrong and you'll be destroyed
See I know about these things
I felt something I had never felt before
Conviction right down to my core
So I declared a city wide fast
Let's hedge our bets and repent
So everyone put on your finest sackcloth
And maybe the Lord will relent
Chorus
Tag:
We didn't bite the big one
Our days were not done after all
No more waterboarding our guests
Or ignoring the golden rule
We didn't bite the big one
Our days were not done after all
The City of Nineveh kept its cool
In the end it worked out for the best
...all because of a bad missionary
Copyright (C) 2017 Scribe And Sage Music (BMI). All Rights Reserved.
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