This is for all my homies in the oil patch! It's kinda parody of the old Jeff Foxworthy, You Might Be A Redneck If... stuff, but for rig pigs. For those of you who don't know the difference between the 2, Roughnecks are like Rednecks only tougher
worm
redneck
brandon
field
patch
oil
driller
bakken
roughneck
Story behind the song
I've lived this life for many years and surrounded myself with all the fools who make these "jokes" true. Whether you're Rockin' the Bakken, Trippin' Pipe In PA, Doing shit the hard way in the Michigan's Antrim Gas Fields, or just Slackin' off in Texas... If you're livin' the life, then you'll get this song! Check out my song, "Hey Derrickman!", as well!
Lyrics
if you've ever woke up in the backseat of an extremely dirty ford escort, at 4am, with a really bad hangover, next to the biggest, dirtiest man you've ever woke up next to in the back of a ford escort. And this man is convinced that you work for him now... And he is yelling at you. You might be a roughneck.
If you make $99,000/year... and you're still broke... you might be a roughneck.
If you often go out drinking until its time to put your work clothes on... You might be a roughneck.
if your drivers license is suspended or revoked, if you are currently on probation or have been recently paroled, if you are hungover from last night and/or still drunk from this morning... you might be a roughneck.
If you've ever been so hungover that you shit the back seat of your boss's truck on the way to work, and then shit it again on the way to the bar after work... You might be a roughneck.
if the little voice in your head has quit your job 4 times this week, but as of Tuesday afternoon, from the neck down you are still working for the same ornery prick... you might be a roughneck
If three of the last ten words out of your mouth were any combination or variation of shit, fuck, bitch, cunt, bastard, goddamn, pussy, beer or squirrel dick, or at least several of them were yelled angrily at an inanimate object... You might be a roughneck
If you've ever gotten so drunk that you paid $35.99 for a copy of your own criminal background check, looking for clues as to where in the hell you left your car last night... You might be a roughneck
If you ever gotten so drunk, that, for nostalgia purposes, you bought another copy of your criminal background check and found out that you actually have 3 DUI's, when all this time you've only been bragging about the 2.
If its Friday night and you have $73.42 to get you through until payday on thursday, and you spend $73.42 at the bar by 9 o clock Friday night... you might be a roughneck
If youve ever drank until you passed out, then worked a 16 hour shift with your 3 employees, your boss, your boss's boss, 17 Halliburton guys, and a water truck driver... and it wasn't until you got home at 9 o clock at night, that you looked in a mirror and noticed... the giant fucking penis... that's been scrawled across your goddamn forehead... ALL... DAMN... DAY!!! You might be a roughneck.
If you can't count your fingers because you don't remember how to reduce fractions... You might be a roughneck.
If you've ever based important career choices, soley on the fact that you are currently getting yelled at... You might be a roughneck
If you've ever been searching for your drivers license and suddenly remember that you haven't had one since 1998... You might be a roughneck.
If your wife fucks your neighbor and that very same neighbor runs over your dog with his Toyota Prius and that very same day you go to work and a tool hand shows up with donuts, and a whole pile of stickers, and schlumberger hat. And despite all the dead dogs and wife fuckin goin on, you still consider it a "pretty goddamn good day"... (Even though you're not the one who got the coffee cup...) You might be a roughneck.
If your wage is the equivalent of four salaries, but coincidentally you went to college for four different careers and are none of them... You might be a roughneck.