Not Quite A Veggie, Not Quite A Cat!
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Story behind the song
The Evil Bing the Berciless smitten with the common cold (Ming Flu) was given, after 48 years of suffering, to vent his anger at feeling poorly, he took it out upon his favourite Asparagus soup after interfering with the snack in an unspecified way he flung it across the Universe in his rage. Being irradiated on it's journey the soup landed on the vowelless planet Grzylyrg (pronounced 'Zi-lurg'), which as you probably know is home to the infamous Sabre Toothed Mountain Eating Leopard. One fine specimen among these proud beasts couldn't believe her luck in finding a small 256 gallon* (*evaporation during it's journey has been taken into account here) bowl of her favourite broth and downed the lot in order to take the taste of a particularly 'volcanic' mountain away.
Had the story ended there we'd still be living in the peace and harmony we knew yesterday. Sadly nature took it's course at this point and the Leopard needed to pass the soup and did so on some particularly fertile soil, from this giant pool of Leopard 'let out' some seedlings of an eerie looking new plant took root! Meanwhile, Bing still feeling the misery of his bout of flu decided to zap the planet Grzylyrg partly just for fun and partly out of fear that someone (e.g. Heinz or Campbells) could reverse engineer his closely guarded Asparagus soup recipe.
Astronomers here had noted that Grzylyrg had disappeared overnight but failed to notice some of the dust of that planet was headed toward Earth.
Just one seedling (as far as we know!) survived this journey and thus gave birth to a horrific entity, an entity that came to threaten our entire existence lest we bowed before him. Represented here in Song is the chronicle of those now legendary events.
Written by: SteveStrummerUK and Space Cowboy
Featuring
AlexOffTheHook: Interpreted the seedlings intergalactic journey into the fantastic 'overture' leading into the song.
SteveStrummerUK: Provided all the guitars needed to overpower this crazy plant cat.
Bapu (That or Ed): Gave us the subsonic low frequency weaponry that shook the very ground underneath the vile creature.
Fog: Donated some of his Chemical Synth alchemy and stunningly puts you in the pilots seat of the hero tasked with the elimination of the beast.
Jonbouy: Pounded his desk incessantly while tasked with the job of bringing all this reedeming power to bear on the listeners ear.
Space Cowboy: Is telling us the tale, in truth, just as it happened.
These people are 'The Coffee House Band', protectors of civilization and unsurpassed saviours of the Universe.
So I beg of you now:
Bow Before Asparapuss!
Lyrics
In the beginning
Where nobody knows
A fearsome opponent
Is said to arose
Some DNA Pool
Got cross pollinated
A terrible plant-cat
Was somehow created
Vicious and hateful
Dispenser of death
Laid waste to millions
With just its raw breath
Rivers of lava
Wherever he spat
Not quite a veggie
And not quite a cat
Asparapuss
Tall green and furry
A sight to behold
Watch as his merciless
Plans will unfold
Leader of minions
Oppressor of men
Brought up from hell
A Cardinal sin
Vicious and hateful
Dispenser of death
Laid waste to millions
With just its raw breath
Rivers of lava
Wherever he spat
Not quite a veggie
And not quite a cat
Bow before asparapuss
Bow before asparapuss
Bow before asparapuss
Guns they were useless
We threw them aside
Kitty repellent
We tried and we tried
Defoliation
It had to be done
We had to find ways
To make the chlorophyl run
Vicious and hateful
Dispenser of death
Laid waste to millions
With just its raw breath
Rivers of lava
Wherever he spat
Not quite a veggie
And not quite a cat
Bow before asparapuss
Bow before asparapuss
Bow before asparapuss
(Spoken as a fighter pilot):
Ground control This is F-117
We are ready for our ddt run
We are about 90 km out flying in at an approach vector of 137degrees
Tell the ground troops to clear out
We'll take care of things from here
The B2s are right behind us with a hefty dose of agent orange
We have one chance to wipe this thing out.
We are going to destroy that evil cat-vegetable monster.
Or see you in hell.
Tell my wife I love her and I hope to see her for dinner
Over