Got goddamn sick of living in the city
With the buildings and the roads, I was feeling really shitty
All the noise and the smog and the ladies with their dogs
Cab drivers, office workers, bathroom hogs
So I built myself a shack in the middle of the woods
One room, one door, dirt floor – all was good
I grew a beard to my knees, made love to the trees
Made friends with the fleas, and pissed where I pleased
I ate small mammals and drank creek water
Then summer came and it got hotter and hotter
So I stripped off my clothes from my head to my toes
Ain’t wore none since, but nobody knows
The years went by and I forgot my own name
But the squirrels don’t care, and to the birds it’s all the same
We lived there together in freedom and love
Just us and the trees and the clouds up above
I even forgot what a woman looked like
Till as I was walking one starlit night
There on the path, gleaming naked and bright
She stood, looking good, and my heart took flight
So I chased her and caught her and made her my wife
And together in the shack we built a new life
Had some kids and a garden and put up a fence
To keep out the squirrels (ain’t seen one since)
We put in a road, and fixed up the shack
Put a porch on the front and a pool out back
And a sign on the door that said “Home Sweet Home”
Got a fridge and a toaster and a telephone
Then late one night as the kids were asleep
I crept out of bed, and I didn’t make a peep
I shaved off my beard, put my best suit on
Then ran back to the city, made it there before dawn
I got myself a room at the Motel Six
And made myself sick off of whiskey and Twix
I lay there on the bed in a pool of vomit
When the door burst open and in she flew like a comet
“Put down the gun!” I screamed, but alas
I heard three shots – got two in the ass
The third one went higher – went straight through my heart
“I still love you,” I said, “but now we must part…”
And I gurgled and I sputtered and I choked and I cried
And there on that filthy old bed I died
Then I rose to Heaven and that’s when I saw
Mary and Jesus and Peter and Paul
All of them naked as the day they were born
All of them bearded (except Mary, of course)
“Welcome, stranger, to Heaven,” they said
“You’ll find life is good, now that you’re dead.”
And we all lived together in a shack in the sky
They fed me Twix, gave me whiskey, and taught me to fly
And that’s how I spent the next twenty billion years
Free from fear and sin and pain and doubt and death and tears